What to do when you feel like you hate being a parent

I just want to start with fuck these kids! It seems harsh, but there has to be a space to vent that out honestly.

Think about it, there is a lack of sleep, free time, a constant need to do better, the guilt trip of not doing enough, and the ideal of a perfect parent where yelling and grown temper tantrums have no place in life. 

So, it should be expected to harbor feelings of hate when you think the rest of your life is doomed to be a servant to ungrateful demons that have a hard time respecting space and boundaries but demand those things for their own life. 

Real-life pressure is placed on suppressing such feelings daily.

But how can I ever regulate my emotions if I'm not honest with my feelings?

Isn't this just setting me up to be unpredictable and easily provoked? 

Let's be serious: I would never want my adult children to be in a relationship with someone who acted like my toddler. 

This overly emotional and incredibly impulsive human being is quite toxic. 

You're not wrong for sometimes thinking you hate being a parent. 

There is a good chance that sleep deprivation and a complete loss of social life stir negative feelings about how much time was wasted in your old life. 

These are the days when you could stay up all night, sleep in all day, and go to the bathroom alone.

Sure, being a parent is filled with moments that make your heart swell with pride.

Yet, just when you're catching your breath from a delightful giggle or that lean-on-me hug,  they'll take an entirely new direction, like headbutting you, smacking you with a toy, or wrecking your car.

A child's behavior was designed to test your boundaries until you drive yourself to jail. 

We'll take a peak at the common reasons why we hate this role, but as we understand those feelings, we begin to take a pleasure-led approach to parenting!

Understanding the Feelings of Hating Parenting

You've likely envisioned being the superhero parent — cape and all. But more often than not, you find yourself burdened by negative emotions instead. 

It's okay; you're not alone. 

The Myth of Perfect Parenting

We're fed this perfect parenting fantasy.

TV shows and social media bombard us with polished snapshots of families looking like they just stepped out of a Hallmark ad. 

Real talk- is more like a house of cards where one interaction creates a whirlwind that can blow the house down. 

Embracing the shaky nature of your emotional foundation might release you from thinking you're less. 

In fact, as you adjust to reality, remember: being human means your superheroes will trip while teaching others how not to fall.

Recognizing Overwhelm and Burnout

Juggling parenting can sometimes resemble a magic act gone terribly wrong.

You feel like you're forced to pull a rabbit out of your hat and realize the rabbit was replaced by flaming swords. 

Nothing going according to plan: Enter parental burnout.

How do you pinpoint burnout, though?

Consider these burnout signs:

• Chronic Tiredness: Even the most minor tasks feel like climbing Everest.
• Emotional Detachment: Waves of indifference, feeling like a distracted spectator.
• Consistently Irritable: Family communications feel like walking upstream against judgment.
• Neglected Self-Care: Showers begin to feel like a divine luxury instead of routine.

Understanding these symptoms is crucial. This is different from the regular run-of-the-mill tired.

It's the overwhelming crash affected by continuous multitasking — physically present yet emotionally distant.

Want a trick? Recognize the signs before your internal battery level dies, like your phone, before you call an Uber. 

Remember,  ‘Hero' doesn't mean flawless.

It means showing up, cape slightly askew, but there nonetheless. 

We're all still struggling to build our house of cards — and that's okay!

Dream of that smoothe house full of good times and vibes. Grab your unrealistic goals today.

The Harsh Realities of Parenting

Parenting is one of those lifelong adventures that no one can truly prepare you for—not even those dreamy, picture-perfect great parents seen on social media.

It blends beautiful, heartwarming moments with chaotic days that seem never-ending. 

You are by no means alone if you've felt like hating parenting.

If you are a neurodivergent parent looking for tips to increase functioning. Hope these help.

It's as common as the sleepless nights most parents endure. Are you strapped in for this rollercoaster? 

The Daily Grind vs. Rewarding Moments

Being a parent is often one unglamorous task after another. 

From changing diapers to helping with homework or the birds and the bee's conversations, it can feel like the daily grind never ends.

Still, we all have those unexpected moments of pure joy sprinkled amidst the chaos?

Those beautiful sleeping faces.

The unsolicited hug from your toddler or the proud smile of your teen when they ace a test can suddenly make everything worthwhile.

These seconds keep you holding onto your sanity, don't they?

Here's the open secret: Parenting is an emotional see-saw. 

It is like a salaried job that promises the bonus of a deep sense of purpose after you've endured enough feelings of guilt and judgment. 

We have some tips to rid ourselves of guilt and regret.

For every mundane necessity like packing lunches or resolving sibling disputes, there are chunks of magic.

But they are fleeting, slipping through fingers like sand. 

So, how do we balance the heavy burden with the good things? 

Capturing those bits of sunlight on cloudy days could be the trick.

It's about focusing despite feeling overwhelmed. We all have days (and nights!) when it feels easy to lose sight of these moments. 

But that feeling of gratitude, minus the dread, can be a game changer. 

Many people would give anything to have another moment with their child, so remember to enjoy the time you have with yours!

The Shift in Dynamics as Children Grow

Time seems to sprout wings, doesn't it? 

That's what all parents dread and hope for. 

One moment, you're knee-deep in toys; blink once, and suddenly, you're required to negotiate curfews. 

As children grow, there's this unseen shift in gravity.

The need to micromanage lessens, and trust becomes your partner.

No manual can prepare us for the shifting sands of parent-child dynamics.

It is best to parent from a guiding perspective, where the aim is to grow the skills of independent thought by leveraging communication, gradually giving them space, and hoping they are more prepared to tackle their adult roles.

Yet they will make mistakes, figuratively spilling the milk occasionally— and we will cry about it.

It's bound to happen. And guess what? That's alright. Isn't the aim to equip them with skills to clean it up and create a way that works for them.

In the end, simply being present and aware, ready to recalibrate, can serve as a strong pillar for you and the little ones growing before your very eyes.

Coping Strategies for Parents

Parenting can feel like riding a rollercoaster with loose safety equipment. 

One moment, you're hitting the highest peak, filled with joy, and the next, you dip into a daunting valley where everything is overwhelming. 

It's no surprise if sometimes it feels like you're hating parenting. Society paints the picture of an eternal sunshine-and-roses journey.

However,  the reality is an evolving tale with plot twists and turns that nobody warned you about.

Practicing Self-Compassion

It's easy to fall into the trap of self-blame when the going gets tough.

You're not a superhero, and it's alright to admit that! No one is; they are made up. 

Practicing self-compassion is crucial in reminding yourself that it's okay to stumble.

Be kind to yourself. 

Feelings of frustration and doubt do not make you a bad parent; they make you human.

Remember:

• Take time for yourself and acknowledge your achievements, interests, and hobbies.
• Be forgiving of your mistakes; they are learning opportunities.
• Affirmations can be a powerful tool—remind yourself of the wonderful parent you are.

Organize your pleasure led life this week.

Establishing Support Systems

Have you ever tried to juggle without any prior experience? Parenting without a support system feels much like that. Supportive families can make a significant difference

• Friends and family: Never underestimate a heart-to-heart with those who get it.
• Parenting groups: Sometimes, you need a batch of parents ready to swap war stories and survival tips.
• Designate a “guilt-free” zone where asking for a much-needed break is encouraged.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Parenting isn't a fairytale, no matter what anyone says. 

Expectations of daily cuteness with moments made for Instagram highlight reels often clash with endless laundry, tantrums on aisle three, and zero ‘me time.'

• Understand that both you and your child are works in progress.
• Set unrealistic goals and be willing to adapt as the journey twists and turns.
• Remember, pressure and perfection are terrible partners; embrace the imperfection.

Realistic expectations are meant to stop disappointment, but unrealistic goals start a life of pleasure.

Finding Joy in Small Moments

Isn't it mind-blowing how a perfectly timed giggle can erase a tantrum? 

When “hating parenting” starts to float into your mind, discovering joy in tiny moments can be a valuable resource for the soul.

• Capture surprises and small victories. Write them down; these snatches of time are what you'll wish to remember.
• Celebrate the every day: a first word, a shared giggle, an “I love you” spoken through slobbery kisses.
• You're here steering, mastering, and crafting a narrative that your child (though they may behave otherwise) relies on.

In the grand scheme, they'll grow up acting like mini-adults with responsibilities. 

They'll make their mistakes and face challenges. 

As parents, our role is not just about surviving the day—but nurturing a safe space for our children to develop without the added stress of future expectations.  

The Long-Term Perspective

Hating the role of parenting is when we begin to lose our sense of self. 

In a world with limited time, feeling we have less freedom to pursue our passions and hobbies is frustrating.

Part of the pleasure-led life is to create an interdependent pleasure-led life together. 

By showing them that we care about their hobbies and interests and finding time to invite them into ours, we provide avenues to share pleasure together now and in the future. 

We should teach them to have fun and enjoy the moment by preparing them for more than struggles and hardships. 

Preparing Children for the World

As much as parenting might seem like you're walking on a never-ending tightrope, remember the ultimate goal: preparing your kids for the world outside. 

This doesn't mean wrapping them in a bubble, nor does it imply expecting them to be perfect little model citizens overnight.

Just think about it – the world is a classroom, and life is their homework.

• Life Skills: Encourage problem-solving and decision-making skills, like solving puzzles.
• Social Skills: Help them build relationships – it's like setting the foundation for friendships and partnerships in the future.
• Emotional Resilience: Equip them with emotional “armor” to face trials, just as you've faced parenting challenges with a brave face.

When they have the right tools, they're more likely to shine.

Before you know it, these little ones will transform into adults with responsibilities while still maintaining childlike curiosity.

Accepting Imperfection in Parenting

Remember that picture-perfect idea of parenting you had before kids?

You would read a parenting book and implement all the best suggestions. 

Whenever you felt overwhelmed, you would take deep breaths and be a role model of emotional regulation for young children.

Letting go of those high expectations might be one of the best things you can do.

• Embrace Mistakes: Both you and your child will slip up. These are lessons, not failures.
• Forgive Yourself: You will yell, you will sigh in exasperation, and sometimes you'll even sprint for solitude. It's alright – to err is human; to lose your sanity, well, that's just parenting!
• Celebrate Imperfections: Often, the most beautiful moments emerge in the chaos and missteps.

In the end, parenting is more about growth than about accomplishments.

Together, those rewarding chuckles amidst chaos make the journey worth pursuing.

Who Do You Love

The overwhelming feeling of hating parenting can hit the best of us.

It's okay to admit that it's not all sunshine and rainbows. 

We've all entertained the daydream that parenting promises endless rewards. 

But let's be honest. Those magical moments are nestled between sleepless nights and graceless toddler tantrums.

Don't forget about laundry and dish mountains that rival Everest.

These chaotic years pass, but the challenges never seem to disappear. 

Eventually, those kids grow up, still acting like kids with adult responsibilities weighing them down.

That's parenting—a surreal journey filled with mistakes and missteps, a testament to the beauty of nature's imperfection.

Does it get easier? Who knows! 

The only thing to hate, is the majestic chaos that tests the theory it is better to give than receive, because much of the love from a parent to child is given.

So here's to you, brave souls, nurturing these life skills one spill and scuffle at a time amid laughter, tears, and moments that make your soul sigh with disbelief.

Remember, you're not alone in this tango with crazy.

Keep going, embrace the rough with the delicate, expect nothing, and maybe even laugh at the absurdity, because keeping your sanity in this saga of life might not be guaranteed—but at the end of the day, there is a peace that comes with knowing you gave enough love to let go of perfection.